


Find Your Own Freedom (and Live Life on Your Terms)

by thoughtfullightcollection



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, basically i'm gay, slightly smutty but no conclusion to the smut if ya know what I mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-18 10:36:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19332835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thoughtfullightcollection/pseuds/thoughtfullightcollection
Summary: Phil’s inclusion in Dan’s video, his supportive retweet of the link to it, had exposed Phil as much as it had Dan. They’d known it would, had planned it together, taken this step together, as they did every big decision they made.





	Find Your Own Freedom (and Live Life on Your Terms)

The lounge is lit by a single lamp in the corner of the room and the only sound, when Dan finally looks up from the screen of his MacBook, is Phil softly snoring. It’s late, even for them, and try as he might to stay awake Phil had fallen asleep with his head on Dan’s shoulder at least an hour before. Dan raises the hand not trapped in Phil’s and swipes at his cheeks. They’re a bit sore from smiling and a bit tacky from crying for the last several hours since he uploaded his video.

_The_ video. The one he’d been working on for over a year. If he’s honest it’s something he’s been working up to for several years, but it’s only been in the last year that he hasn’t felt that familiar sickness in the pit of his stomach just thinking about sharing who he truly is with the world and how that world would react to the truth.

He’d sat where he was waiting for the reaction, with Phil at his side as always, their fingers intertwined, and breaths caught in their chests. And the response had been overwhelming.

They’d both been prepared for negativity, but instead they’d gotten acceptance. An outpouring of love for them both. People from all over the world praising Dan’s video, sharing it with others, talking about what a good example he was, how proud they were. It was more than Dan had dared to hope for and more even than the optimistic Phil had expected, though he hadn’t said it.

But Dan wasn’t the only one who’d shared his truth tonight.

Phil’s inclusion in Dan’s video, his supportive retweet of the link to it, had exposed Phil as much as it had Dan. They’d known it would, had planned it together, taken this step together, as they did every big decision they made.

Phil’s way had been quieter, but it was just as meaningful, just as _important_ as Dan’s coming out had been.

Dan turns his head now, closes his eyes and nuzzles his face into Phil’s hair, the ebony strands tickling his nose. He breathes deep, inhaling the scent of lemon trees and something uniquely and deliciously _Phil_. His lips find Phil’s forehead and press a soft kiss there then quietly mummer his name. Phil’s breathing stills for a moment before, eyes still closed, he smacks his lips and curls closer to Dan’s side.

“Philly.” Dan says again and Phil stirs but doesn’t lift his head.

“Hmm? Love you.” He sighs and tightens his grip on Dan’s hand.  

Dan swallows at that, emotion clogging his throat. Phil’s first thought upon waking is loving him. He used to think he didn’t deserve Phil. That Phil had saved him, and he’d never be able to repay him for it. It had taken a long time for him to see that he was deserving of love and that he had saved himself. But Phil had been there, next to him on the path to healing old wounds, to help him over the obstacles in his way. He was still walking that path and Phil was still at his side, holding his hand, loving him.

“Love you, too, Spork. Now up and to bed.”

He presses a quick kiss to the top of Phil’s head and shifts to plug his laptop into the charger, then stands to face a grumbling, bleary-eyed Phil still sat on the sofa. He reaches down and takes Phil’s hands in his to pull him up, releasing him when Phil is steady on his feet.

“Let’s go, old man.”

He chuckles at the obscene gesture Phil sends his way, then takes his hand again to lead him to their bedroom.

“I’m not the only one aging, Danny. You’re well on your way to a midlife crisis. Mr. Hurtling Toward Death.” Phil pauses to turn off the lamp on their way out of the lounge.

“Hm, maybe so, but at least I haven’t found any gray hairs yet.” Looking back, he laughs at Phil’s pouting face.

Then Phil smiles, eyes brightening, and says, “Oh, didn’t you know? I guess you can’t see the back of your head.”

Dan’s jaw drops and Phil giggles.

“Seriously, shut _up_.” Laughing, he nudges Phil through the open bedroom door until the backs of his knees bump into the side of their bed.

Dan reaches out then, cups Phil’s cheek in his palm, and leans in to press his lips softly to Phil’s.

Phil makes a surprised noise in the back of his throat, but he quickly recovers and his hand skates up Dan’s back to bury itself in Dan’s curls, pulling him in and deepening the kiss. He licks into Dan’s mouth and Dan wraps his arms around his waist and presses himself even closer. He knows that tomorrow will bring more emotion, more people, more work. For now, though, in these quiet hours after midnight, it’s only the two of them and he wants to savor it.

He breaks off the kiss and his lips curve into smile at Phil’s soft squeak of protest, looking past him to take in the room. Their bedroom, the one they share. The moon mirror it had taken both of them to hang slightly off center, the gray duvet and sheets tangled at the end of the bed from their tossing and turning the night before. The window open a bit to let in the cool night air, through which Dan can hear the muted sounds of the city. Their city, the one they’d come to with nothing and made their home.

His gaze drifts back to Phil, his Phil, as it always does, and he leans forward to kiss him again. He knows if he speaks now anything, he says will come out cheesy and, while Phil not-so-secretly loves sappiness, that’s not the route Dan wants to take tonight. So, when Phil starts to speak, to ask him what he’s thinking, he cuts him off.

"Not now, Philly, just let me...I’d rather _show_ you.” he says, voice soft.  He wants everything to be soft tonight, a comfort to them both, a private celebration.

Phil nods and Dan kisses him again, hotter and wetter this time, and reaches for the hem of Phil’s t-shirt, dragging it up and off, tossing it toward the silver chair in the corner. He can't resist touching the expanse of creamy skin revealed to him then and runs his palms over Phil's firm chest, circling a nipple with the tip of his finger, hearing Phil's breath quicken.

Phil is easy to arouse, always so ready for Dan’s touch. He leans forward to press his lips to the space over Phil’s heart and along the trail of hair from his chest to where it disappears into his waistband, the backs of his fingers skimming along Phil's stomach as he works at the button of his jeans and he hears Phil's breath catch, feels the muscles in his stomach flutter.

Dan lifts his gaze from Phil's zipper to eyes so blue, so dark, he thinks he was wrong to say he could swim in them. The truth is that he drowns in them, willingly, happily, every time Phil looks at him like this. As he watches, Phil's pink tongue darts out to wet his lips and Dan wants a taste so he straightens to do just that before focusing once again on getting Phil naked.

He slips his hands into the open waistband of Phil's jeans and slides them, along with his pants, down long, long, legs then quietly ask Phil to step out of them and his socks, rainbow print tonight, and these follow the way of his shirt. Phil's wearing only his glasses and a curious expression now and Dan can tell he's thinking, trying to decipher what Dan has planned. Grasping Phil’s hips and pulling him up against him, he presses hot, open-mouthed kisses to Phil’s jaw, his throat, his shoulder, softly, softly, dancing him backward until he falls back onto their bed.

Phil props himself up on his elbows to watch as Dan kicks off his shoes, shucks out of his jeans, and pulls his t-shirt over his head. His pants stay on for now. He dims the overhead lights and sets the wick of the candle on their bedside table aflame. It’s one of Phil's favorites, something sugary sweet. The light cast by the flame dances over Phil's face as his gaze tracks Dan and he is so beautiful that Dan’s brain short circuits for a moment. Then Phil winks at him, trying to be seductive and not completely failing, and Dan laughs, climbing onto the bed to straddle his hips.

Phil’s grinning up at him, flat on his back now, when Dan reaches down to remove his glasses. Carefully folding down the earpieces, he places them on the bedside table so Phil will know where to find them in the morning. He’ll probably still ask Dan for help, he often does, and the thought is so warm and domestic that Dan bends down to plant a quick kiss on the tip of Phil’s nose, making him giggle. The man he loves giggles Dan thinks, as his lips find Phil’s, and it’s the best fucking thing he’s ever heard.

Straightening, he reaches out to glide gentle fingertips over the darkness under Phil’s eyes, along the cheekbones sharp enough to cut glass, across the full bottom lip he loves to nibble. Phil blinks myopically up at Dan and he chuckles softly at the owlish expression, then takes Phil's face in his hands and kisses him again, slow and deep. At the low moan in Phil's throat he pulls back just far enough that he can give in to temptation and nip at Phil's bottom lip, and he feels Phil shift under him, feels him pressed hard against his ass through the denim.

This time, when he pulls back to look down at Phil, Phil’s eyes are shining, and his cheeks and chest are flushed red. His hands come up to smooth over Dan's chest, up his neck, and down his arms like he's making sure Dan's real, like he needs to touch every inch of him. Then he wraps his arms around Dan’s shoulders and pulls him down into a fierce hug, nipping gently at Dan’s ear.  

Dan laughs, pressing his cheek to Phil’s, and then he’s sobbing, tears soaking Phil’s skin. Phil shifts a bit, stroking a palm down Dan’s back over and over again, mummering comforting sounds into Dan’s ear. When the tears have slowed to a trickle Dan moves to lay on his side on the bed and Phil turns to face him, tangling his legs with Dan’s and reaching out to catch the last of Dan’s tears on his thumb.

“Well, that wasn’t hot.” Dan gives a watery laugh and rolls his eyes.

Phil smooths a curl back from Dan’s forehead and runs the tip of his finger down his nose, then finds his hand and holds it.

“You’re exhausted.”

“Yeah. And overwhelmed. And relieved. And still a little scared. But that’s not what I was thinking about just now.”

When Dan meets Phil’s eyes, he sees the tears, and the tracks more have left on his cheeks from crying along with Dan and feels a squeeze around his heart. He moves forward and kisses both of Phil’s cheeks, then presses a soft kiss to his lips, before pulling back to meet his eyes again.

“I’m so proud of you, Philly. And I’m so grateful for you.”

“Even when I leave my socks on the coffee table?”

Dan sighs, “Not the time, Phil. I’m trying to have a serious conversation here. I’m trying to thank you-”

“For what?” Phil interrupts him. “For agreeing to you including me in your video? For tweeting about my sexuality and supporting you? These are not things you need to thank me for, these are things I wanted to do. For myself just as much as for you.”  

Dan grins at Phil’s sassy tone and scoots a bit closer, “Fine, but I’m still proud of you.”

Phil smiles, eyes soft, then rolls over, tugging on Dan’s hand until he’s wrapped in Dan’s arms. He presses Dan’s hand to the space over his heart and settles with his back against Dan’s chest.

“Great, because I’m proud of you, too.”

Dan plants a kiss on his shoulder, then presses his cheek there and sighs, sleepy and content.

“Hey, Dan?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re always hot.”

Laughing, Dan says “Hey, Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t really mind your socks on the coffee table.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Shut up and go to sleep, Phil.”

“Hey, Dan?”

“What?”

“I’m proud of you.”

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a quote from one of Dan's live shows. He's living life on his terms, having the courage to exist, grabbing life by the titballs and making it his and I couldn't be prouder. 
> 
> Come say hi!


End file.
